


Pieces

by RebelAngel



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Caretaker Steve, M/M, Memory Loss, ptsd bucky
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-04
Updated: 2016-04-04
Packaged: 2018-05-31 04:25:16
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,434
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6455740
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RebelAngel/pseuds/RebelAngel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Post War Bucky has suffered severe memory loss and Steve looks after him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Pieces

The morning sunlight peered through the window; it filled the emptiness of the apartment. The silence of the two men sitting across from each other at the breakfast table was deafening. One man was reading the newspaper; he would glance over it to observe his friend on the other side. His friend sits and stirs his coffee as he reads the sports section. Even though there was physicality to the apartment it was absolutely lifeless. The plants had more color and joy in their veins than these two men sitting across from each other. The room was once filled with laughter and emotion, it was once filled with people and conversations and now it is filled with agony. 

The man set his newspaper down for a moment; he then looked at him more intently. “Buck, how are you this morning?”   
He attempted to smile, but his friend’s reaction was monotonous, which stung him more than his words. “Would you quit asking me that every damn morning, Steve.”   
He winced and retracted back against his seat, “I am just trying to help you.”   
Bucky snapped his head up, “That’s all anyone every does! Stop trying to help me and just be here and try not to think of your next question.” 

"I can’t do that.” He thought about when James left and how heartbroken he was when he got drafted. 

“Why not?” Bucky was growing with frustration, he was tired of the same routine and this was going on for months.   
Steve pounds his hand on the table, “Because I can’t be the same with you.”   
When Bucky returned he was not the same, he wasn’t as carefree and reckless as before. At first he didn’t remember Steve and that pained him even more. 

Bucky rolls his eyes and scoffs at him, “I’m still me Steve. I haven’t changed.” 

“Bucky listen to me, since you got back you are seeing things differently. I’m trying to understand you.” 

“Steve I’m fine.” Steve hurt by the emptiness in his friend’s eyes, he shakes his head and tilts it to the side. 

“Really? So the screaming last night did not come from your bedroom?”   
The color drained from Bucky's face and he put his head down. “What did you dream about last night? What happened?” 

Bucky began whimpering as tears formed in his eyes, he shook his head unable to articulate the horrors of last night. 

Steve walks over to him and places and firm hand on his shoulder. “I know it’s hard but you have to tell me.”   
Bucky takes a moment and clears his throat, then very quietly he said, “I remembered.” He trailed off, unable to finish his thought. 

Steve’s eyes grew wider as he nodded his head slowly. “Yes, what do you remember?”   
Bucky took another breath, “I was running through a forest and there were many corpses all around me with limbs draped everywhere, I heard an explosion behind me but I kept running. Suddenly, one of the corpses grabbed my ankle, pulled me down and began strangling me. I couldn’t get free.” 

Steve had tears in his eyes, “It’s okay, Buck. You’re safe now.”   
Bucky turned up at him with his tear stained face. “It’s not okay! Why did it seem so real? Why!” 

He was confused and scared for months on end and he wanted to know why. 

“Bucky, I need to ask you something.”   
“Okay?” he wiped a tear away from his face.   
“What is the first thing you remember?” Steve asked him as he looked intently hoping he could remember something. 

Bucky tried to calm down to think about the question, “I woke up in a hospital room with doctors around me.” 

Steve swung his head down and shook his head, “That’s it?”   
Bucky rises angrily and pushes Steve away from him, “That’s it? THAT’S IT. I’m lost Steve; I’ve never felt emptier in my life. I have no idea who I’m supposed to be.” 

Steve takes a sharp breath, he didn’t mean for this to blow up in his face, but he needed answers.   
More importantly Bucky needed answers. “I can just imagine-“ Bucky cuts him off. “No. No. You can’t imagine. You don’t know how this feels, losing yourself.” 

Steve furious with his answer snaps back at him, “Really? Losing my best friend doesn’t count. You don’t think this is hard for me to? I lost something too.” 

Bucky grew smaller under Steve’s gaze, “Steve, I didn’t realize.” 

“That’s why I ask you questions, that’s why I’m so concerned with your dreams because I still have the one ounce of hope that I can piece you back together and come back.” Bucky remained quiet; he stared at Steve trying to understand what all this was for and why it happened to him. 

The sun burned through the windows brightly as the colours danced in the room with the insightful gaze exchanged by two friends. “Physically I am here, but I can’t help it if I don’t remember.”   
Steve places both hands on his shoulders and grips him, “You can try. You just need to trust me and let me help you.”   
Bucky looks up at Steve and he puts both arms out to hug him. Steve was frozen in shock; he couldn’t believe that Bucky was showing some emotion other than anger. 

A tear streams down Steve’s cheek. “Okay, I’ll do it.” Steve pats him on the back and lets him go.   
“Good. I’ll call work and tell I’m taking the day.” Bucky looked confused as he began to speak about it Steve silenced him, “It’s okay, they will understand.”   
Bucky scrunches his brow. “What do you mean?” 

Steve directs him to sit on the couch in the living room; the warmth of the sun fills the room. “Buck, when I first saw you, you were constrained in the hospital bed. The Doctors called me in to see if someone from your past would jog your memory. So I came in and I looked into your eyes and you looked back at me with a blank stare. You started yelling at me because what I described wasn’t you. You thought you were a monster. You broke free from you restraints and you began to strangle me.” 

Steve took a moment, he sat on the coffee table watching Bucky’s reaction, and he knew he would want honesty at this point no matter how painful.   
Bucky dumbfounded shook his head, “ I remember seeing you but I don’t remember the other part.”   
Steve looked confused and Bucky caught his eyes, “What?”   
“That’s interesting, do you ever remember when you get angry?” James took a moment, his mind tracing every possible memory that he actually had. “No, I don’t remember.”   
“Hmm, I’ll tell them that, it’ll be useful.”   
“Tell who?” Reluctantly, Steve takes a breath “Since we lived together before, I made a deal with the doctors that I would take care of you and watch you. You know instead of…” Steve trails off, pondering if he should continue. 

Bucky's brows furrowed, looked at Steve waiting intently. “Instead of what?”   
“Instead of keeping you in a psych ward, I report to them daily about your progress.” Bucky closed his eyes and his fists curled up, his knuckles growing whiter with the stretch of his strength. “So, I’m a mental case, in my own home!” he spit the words at Steve as his eyes flamed open at him and a low growl escaped with it. 

Steve taken aback by the sudden surge of anger leaned back towards the table for support. “Buck, calm down. Listen to my voice.”  
Bucky got up and began pacing in front of Steve; “I’m a prisoner in my own home.”  
Bucky threw a punch at the wall, as he retracted his hand drips of blood fell from his knuckles.   
Steve’s eyes grew wider, “NO! No, please don’t think that, just breathe” Bucky turned angrily to face Steve, as he spun around he knocked over the lamp and it broke into pieces.

Bucky froze and knelt down to grab one of the shards of the base.   
Steve got up slowly and walked towards him, “Bucky. Put it down. Everything is going to be okay.”  
Bucky turned the piece over in his hand and there was a red star on it, he began to turn the other shards over. “Buck, please just talk to me.”   
Bucky pieces the base back together and sees a silhouette of a woman with stars surrounding her.  
Bucky smiled and managed a chuckle. His eyes were reminiscent; his eyes were filled with a memory.


End file.
